One by one clients (soon to be friends) come into my space – lovely people, often hurt, scarred and wounded, but all of them, without exception are on a path to healing and self-discovery. In the beginning they point the finger of responsibility at their husbands, their wives, former lovers, their friends, co-workers and enemies. I’ll listen for awhile, gather the larger picture, and then pause the conversation.
From a childhood filled with hurt and anger I empathize. I’m all too familiar with blaming others and circumstances for my problems. It was a waste of energy then, and it would certainly be a waste of energy now – too conscious, too aware. Self-deception doesn’t last long these days. Like everyone, I’m fallible and human, prone to error and mistakes. I listen with this ear, with this understanding – that we are in process. We are unfolding and the pain that we experience is the medium that brings us to awareness.
We will never arrive at an understanding of ourselves by blaming another for our darkness. They may not be grateful, they may have lied, cheated, deceived and worse. They also are not likely willing to face themselves. No matter. If you want to grow, if you want to transform, with each instance of pain – look inward. Instead people unfortunately will do almost anything to avoid facing themselves, no matter how absurd. You must look into the darkness of your own attachments, ego-clinging, and fear in order to see the light.
I redirect every client, as I redirect myself, every time the finger pointing goes outward – bring it back. You alone are ultimately responsible for your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. You alone are responsible for your happiness. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, as your reality is a projection of your own. Inoculate yourself to the speech and actions of others by looking inward, and you will no longer be the victim of unnecessary suffering.
Looking inward is no easy task – you’re the one in the frame, so it’s hard to see the picture. Often people are so busy, that even if they have the tools, they don’t bother to utilize them. Lost in the hustle of their own busyness while their lives fall apart around them. Overwhelming at times. When you’re ready to slow down, when the blame game stops working, when you’re ready to face yourself, the good work that you’re here for, your own transformation, will begin again.
As always, if you need help in seeing yourself deeply, and have the courage to reach out, we’re here. Friends on the path.